Whatever is a four-letter word.  We all are guilty of saying this word at some time in our dating seeking lives and if we want to be successful at matchmaking, we need to stop the frequency of times that we say this word.  Whatever has different meanings, like “which thing, anything that, no matter what, of any kind, being who it may be.”  However, whatever becomes a four letter word when we say it to our partner and we dismiss that he or she is saying to us; when we dismiss our partner’s feelings on any issue or thing that matters to him or her; when we do not want to continue having a conversation with our partner on anything at all or on the most important topic.  We really need to learn some matchmaking skills and learn how to relate to our partner in the right way and realize that we all have important opinions.  The only opinion that matters is not our own.  When there are two of you, then two opinions are what matters; you both need to utilize good matchmaking skills and converse within a good set of rules.

When your partner is speaking to you, regardless of the topic, you should refrain from using the word whatever, especially if you say it in a tone that denotes a deeper meaning such as dismissal.  That is poor matchmaking behavior.  Matchmaking efforts do not cease after you get the first date; they should continue through the second, third and fourth dates and so forth.  Utilizing good matchmaking skills means that you both are making a concerted effort to speak nicely to each other and that you both respect each other’s opinions.  If you do not think that your partner’s words matter, then you are not respecting him or her.  When you continually say whatever to your partner, in a tone that is disrespectful, your partner will realize, eventually, if not right away, that you are dismissing him or her and don’t respect his or her opinion.

Of course, if utilized correctly and with the correct tone, whatever can be spoken in conversation without dismissing someone.  However, not only dismissing your partner’s words, but also dismissing his or her feelings is just as bad and disrespectful and you are exhibiting poor matchmaking skills.  You are not the only one in the world and your feelings are not the all important feelings in the relationship.  Being in a relationship is about both of you being a couple.  You need to respect your partner and use your matchmaking skills to try to understand, not only your feelings but also the feelings of your partner.  Don’t get into the habit of dismissing your partner’s feelings.  If your partner is having a bad day or is upset about something, cultivate good matchmaking skills and learn to understand your partner’s feelings and try to listen and not dismiss them.

When you and your partner are having a conversation about something and you decide that the conversation is over, it is not over.  You both need to feel that there are open lines of communication between you; that is good matchmaking behavior.  If you are trying to control the conversation, then you may say whatever and then walk away while your partner is still speaking to you.  That is really rude behavior because what if the tables were turned and you wanted to continue speaking and your partner dismissed you with a whatever; you’d definitely not be happy about that.  In order to have successful matchmaking efforts, you cannot live with a double standard.

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